Have I no shame?

In The Assassin movie (with Bridget Fonda), one of my favorite scenes is one where she says: “I don´t get embarrassed”. (As in EVER!).

Oh dear, how many times have I wanted to be like her. I practice and I practise. “I don´t get embarrassed” I say casually, when I feel the tightening of a knot in my stomach. “I don´t get embarrassed!”

Despite all the practice, it was way out of my comfort zone to step on to the “Body Composition Analyzer” in order to let boxing trainer / PT Grete know the facts about my body in terms of fat and muscle percentages and BMI.

“You don´t have to watch”, Grete said. Bless her sould.

I stepped onto the scanner, took a deep breath and forced myself to look. I even took screenshots, but when PT Grete said that it´s FUN to have this data to have something to compare with later, I didn´t recognise FUN as a current emotion.

“This shall stay between us”, I said. “MAYBE I will publish it in a year´s time IF I have made progress.” Voila! A new, measurable goal was articulated.

Did you know that jumping rope for 10 minutes, equals a 20 minute run? I didn´t before, but now that I do, I can make a quick estimate and conclude that I should be able to run for about one and a half minute.

I could just let the embarrassment and shame get the better of me. I could let it stop me from continuing practicing my “I don´t get embarrassed” life goal.

However, I discover something absolutely fabulous;

when I put up my boxing guard, I let my guard down in other areas. So the shame and embarrassment is challenged by the pride of actually trying to improve and the joy of getting to be me, hanging with people who are more like how I want to be, and nobody´s laughing.

I bet you have heard that you can have 10 positive feedbacks and 1 negative comment, and it´s the negative one you remember?

Well, when I train boxing, the positive feedback is what I take to heart. When I feel that I move my hips correctly and I throw a jab that makes PT Grete yell “YES! Good one!”, I forget about the 100 previous jabs that were… let´s say… less than perfect.

When I´m in a boxing session, I don´t think so much about the fact that I am working out, I am focusing on LEARNING. My only previous experience from fight sports, is when I trained kickboxing for about a year and that was 20 years ago. But Grete seem to believe I can get better, and it strengthens my will to try. And it´s undoubtedly a great feeling to put on my boxing gloves and pretend I´m a badass.

Even my interior improves with this equipment. Thank you 2Train, my SPONSOR (lol)!

“Have you ever felt ashamed or embarrassed?” I asked Grete. And she told me about her second fight, which ended with her getting her ass kicked and crying in the wardrobe after. She went from cocky to embarrassed in no time. And she told her trainer that she would NEVER enter the ring again. But as history shows; she is just like Driss in The Intouchables. “I WILL NEVER” quickly translates into “I AM DOING”. And now she is ranged as Norway´s best female boxer in her weight class. How cool is that?

So let me return to the question: Do I have no shame?

Truth be told, I have shame.

But it´s a wonderful discovery to make; that shame doesn´t have me.



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